Amazed at the Beach Joke

A guy is walking along the beach when a beautiful young woman in a skintight wet suit walks up to him. She unzips the wet suit a little and removes a cigar. She then lights the cigar and places it between his lips.

He's stunned. She then unzips her wet suit a little further and pulls out an ice-cold bottle of beer and hands it to the guy. He’s amazed.

She then unzips the wet suit to just near her belly button and says, "Do you want to play around?"
He asks, "You have golf clubs in there?"

Source: Alcoholic Humor

Gone Fishing Joke

One cold winter a man came home very drunk, like so many nights before, to find out his wife was so upset that she had locked him out of the house. The drunk man decided to spend the night in his garage because he knew there was camping equipment and blankets stored in a few cabinets.

As he rummaged through the gear, he came upon some ice fishing rods and an ice saw, and he had a amazing idea...he would leave and go ice fishing at a nearby lake!

He was so drunk that he decided he would just walk to the lake, which was less than a mile away. He managed to stagger his way on to the ice, set up his stuff and began sawing a small hole in the ice.

From up above he heard a very loud booming voice say, “YOU WON'T FIND ANY FISH UNDER THAT ICE!”

The drunk looked up at the heavens and shook his head as he thought he had too much to drink and was hearing things. He continued to saw the hole in the ice, but once again he heard the loud booming voice from up above say, “YOU WON'T FIND ANY FISH UNDER THAT ICE!”

The drunk stopped and looked up at the heavens and asked, “God? Is that you trying to tell me I should not ice fish?”

The voice replied, “NO, I'M THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK!”

The Farmer Joe Interview Joke

Rob, a young journalism graduate from the University of Alabama, had gone to work for the Chicago Sun Times. His first assignment was to write a human interest story. An idea came to Rob and he returned to
one of the most remote areas in his home state of Alabama .

Deep in the woods, Rob came upon a farmer's house and decided this would be an excellent place to start.

Rob introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Brown) agreed to answer his questions.

Rob asked Farmer Brown what event in his life had made him the happiest?

Farmer Brown replied, “One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We formed a posse and found it. After we all had sex with it, we took it back to the farmer that lost it.”

“I can't print that,” said Rob the reporter, “Is there another event that made you really happy?” Farmer Brown thought for a minute and said, “Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a pretty lookin' young gal. We formed a posse and found her. After all of us had sex with her, we took her back to her daddy.”

Again Rob knew he couldn't print the story and decided to take a different approach. He asked Farmer Brown, “Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad and unhappy?”

Farmer Brown hung his head and replied, “Well, I got lost once...."

Source: Alcoholic Humor Thanks Joe L.

Nymphomaniac Convention Joke

An Irish man boards an airplane. As he gets comfortable, he looks up and sees a very stunning woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards the seat next to him. As expected, she takes that seat. Wanting to strike up a conversation with the woman, he says, "Business trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention."

The Irishman is instantly overcome with excitement. Here's the most attractive woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Trying to maintain his cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business part at the convention?"

She says, "I’m a guest speaker. I use my experiences to reduce some of the popular myths about sex." "Really," he says, "what myths are you speaking about?"

"Well," she says, "one very popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed. When, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to have that title."

"Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when really it's the Jewish descent." Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be telling this to you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto. Tonto Goldstein," the man responds.
Source: Alcoholic Humor

Bar Joke of the Day

A man is sitting at the bar when an absolutely beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "For fifty dollars I'll do anything you like."

The man starts going through his pockets looking for cash. He pulls out two twenties, and ten ones.

He takes the crumbled up cash and puts it into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint the exterior of my house."

Rehab Humor